Millennium House
by horus the bfd lv999
Summary: Party at Yugi's House! What will happen? Sure to be comedy. Rated for crudeness and teen humor. Randomness. R
1. Chapter 1

Hello Folowers of Darkness! This is Horus the bfd lv 999. This is my first fic ever so plz be kind……IF NOT I WILL BE FORCED TO DEVOUR YOUR SOUL AND FEAST ON YOUR FLESH!...Whoops! Where did that come from? So…….um anyway I'm gonna go seek serious psychiatric help while my Yami does the disclaimer.

Yami Horus: Yeah, Right, like he'd ever see a psychiatrist. He's probably in the kitchen cutting himself again.

Horus: So what if I am? Ahh Beautiful crimson relief...

Yami Horus:And people say I'm the crazy evil one…..I should be the hikari! Anyway……………….

**DISCLAIMER**: Horus the bfd does not own Yu-gi-oh, star wars, a clean pair of underpants, or a computer. He makes the fic using a typewriter, a TV screen, and a hamster on an exercise wheel. Oh, and he owns nothing else mentioned in the fic (except teletubbies.)

Horus: YAMMMMMIIIIIIII!

Yami Horus: ok, ok, Horus doesn't own teletubbies either! (HELP ME!)

Horus: He's just joking, Hehehe (Puts machete away) Anyway R&R or I won't update

Party at Yugi's House

It was a good day for Yugi Moto. He was free of having to save the world today. (Thank RA) and had all the gang over for a party.

"Hey Yug. Where's the refreshments?" Joey asked

"Joey, they're right in front of you," Yugi said. "Wait! Where'd they go?" So Joey and Yugi went looking for the snacks and drinks (Screen goes black and white and Detective Music plays.) "So, Malik, where were you when the snacks went missing?"  
"I was playing God of War (don't own...or do I...continues cutting self)." Malik said.

"Likely Story!" Joey said

Yugi shot a glance at Joey.

"So Mako, Where were you when the snacks went missing?"Yugi asked

"I was hitting on Serenity, Why?" Mako said

Joey's eye twitched"I'LL TEACH YOU TO COME NEAR MY LITTLE SISTER!"Joey Lunges atMako and tries to starngle him. Mako put Joey in a submission Grip Trying to Calm him down but Joey kicks Mako in the groin"YOU'RE MINE FISH BOY!"Joey said biting Mako

"You wish Land Lubber" Mako said shaking Joey off "Why don't you go fetch for Kaiba?"

The party somehow turns into the Jerry Springer Show with Mako and Joey being heldback by security

"JERRY, JERRY,JERRY!"

"On today's show, My friend ishitting on my sister. Yes I know we've run out of good show subjects. Now,Joey this is no time to bite the security."

"You son of a bleep I'll teach you to come near my sister you bleepin mother bleeper"

"Oh yeah? well bleepin stupid bleep bleep your moma!"

"Now we need to calm down the guests." Jerry said

"Shut up Jerry, I summon Red Eyes Black Dragon. Eat Jerry springer!" Red Eyes devours Jerry and the security tranqualizes Joey. Joey is dragged away by Yugi.

"Wha...wha happened Yug?" A groggy Joey asked. Yugi Just Shook his head."But we still need to find the RA damned snacks!"

"Joey, calm down. I'm sure we'll catch the perp." Just then, Tristan walks by, arms and face full of food

"HHii guuuussss" (translation: hi Guys!) Tristan mumbled.

Joey's face turns purple with rage (and hunger) "You selfish jerk! Save some for the rest of us!" Joey grabs a mallet from off screen and chases Tristan around. "When I Catch YOU!" Well this goes on for a while…..I think we should check in on Kaiba.

"No Mokuba I do not want to watch Star Wars."

"Oh come on niissama, I want to watch Yoda do flips with his light saber." Mokuba pleaded.

"Yoda is just a stupid puppet made of rubber meant to brainwash you kids."

"Is not!"

"Shut up mokuba, look even Yoda's voicer sounds retarded and drunk."Just then, Yoda jumps out of the screen and uses the force to smack Seto against the wall.

"Ridicule me, you shall not. Immune am I, meant of hurt, to your insults."

"Huh?" said everyone at the party (A/N: I don't know what Yoda said either) Mokuba grabs the remote and Yoda jumps back into the TV. Now back to Yugi

"Hey Ryou, Have you seen the Pharaoh?" Yugi asked.

"No, He was looking or something……He went upstairs. Speaking of which, I haven't seen Tea in a while." Just then, they hear Thumps and Squeals from upstairs

"What the……."

Yugi runs upstairs and realizes the voices he hears are Yami and Tea

"Oh no… It can't be!" Yugi opens up the door and sees Tea and Yami Jumping up and down on the bed. After he sees them for a few second he notices Dance Grooves 2000 on the game screen. "Whew, what the hell are you two doing?"

"Hey Yugi. I came up here looking for my dark magician when Tea challenged me to this Dueling, Dance thing."

"Yami was so good at it that we decided to make it harder. So, we put the dance pads on the bed" Tea said. (A/N: Yes that makes it much harder.)

"Why? What did you think we were doing?"Yami asked

"Oh nothing..."Yugi said innocently. Must...get...mind...out...of...gutter...

"I still haven't found my Dark Magician…."

"OH YAMMMMIIIIII!" Marik calls while holding up the missing card.

"You snake! When I catch you!" Yami jumps off the bed and tackles Marik down the steps. Loud crashing sound is heard

"Marik! YAMI!" Yugi yells. At the bottom of the stairs Marik and Yami are crumpled in a heap. Both have swirly cartoon eyes and cuckoo birds flying around their heads.

"Ow. My head. Look what you did Pharaoh. This bump's bigger than the Pyramids at Giza.

"You deserved it. Besides, look what you did to my Dark magician!" holding up the torn card.

"So, you've got like 50 of them." Marik said fighting back.

"That's not the point you narcissistic psychopath."

"Asshole!"

"Moron!" Both grab their Millennium Items, ready to use them.

"TAKE THIS!" Both shout.

"Pharaoh, Marik, Stop it!" Yugi yells while getting in between the two. Both use the millennium items and Yugi disappears.

"Look what You've done! you assinine tomb keeper."

"Me? If I remember correctly Pharoah, You used your Puzzle too."

"Whatever,"Yami says flipping Marik off."Hold on Yugi!" Yami uses his millennium puzzle to bring Yugi back from the shadow realm. "Good as new."

"Well, almost." Marik said. Yugi was curled up on the floor saying something about giant turtles and a purple teletubby.

"No, I won't let you touch me! Get away Tinkie-Winky!" Yugi yelled

Everyone at the party anime fell.

Horus: SO WHAT DO YA THINK?

Yami Horus: I think it sucked.

Horus: Who asked you!(Punches Yami Horus) Anyway, remember R&R or I won't post another chapter (No Flames please) a little hint: in the next chap Mokuba blackmails Seto (and Joey)


	2. Blackmail makes the world go round

HELLO! Thank You to the People that reviewed throws **black** confetti. My first fanfic is a success(somewhat). I'd like to make A few statements to clear things up……..Yes Bloodstoner you're right Yami Horus isn't real, except in my mind. And from the way I think , you're all figments of my imagination so you're not real either! HA!. So tell your brother. Not that I care….Oh and DO. NOT. INSULT. MY. YAMI!

Yami Horus: Thank you

Horus: Yes, only I'm allowed to do that…..idiotic oblivious yami……

Yami Horus: Huh?

Horus: You heard me so get back into the closet unless you want another visit from Mr. Machete!

Yami Horus: EEP! I'm going, I'm going. Geez out of all the yamis I'm the only one stuck with a frickin bipolar goth kid

Horus: What was that?

Yami Horus: Nothing, Nothing…

Horus: I thought so. Now that my Yami is in the upstairs closet where he belongs, ON WITH THE FIC!

Black-Mail Makes The World Go Round

So anyway I think while Yugi is recovering with our psychiatrist Dr. Marvin Monroe(Don't own DAMIT!), I think we will check back in on Kaiba.

"Seto! I. Want. To. Watch. Star Wars!" Mokuba pleaded.

" No way Mokuba. After what that muppet, Yoda, did to me, you're not watching another one ever again," Seto said.

"What about the ones without Yoda?" Mokuba asked.

"Maybe, I don't know," Seto said. At which point Mokuba grabbed the remote, turned Star Wars on, and hid it. "Mokuba give me that remote now!" Seto said.

"No way. I wanna watch Star Wars!"

"Give me the remote."

"No"

"Give it up."

"No."

"NOW!"

"NO!" Seto was getting dizzy from all the arguing and needed a walk.

"Listen Mokuba, I'm gonna take a quick walk and when I come back, Chronicles of Riddick (Don't OWN) better be on and not this Star Wars crap," Seto said. Then he got up to walk. When he was walking through the house he saw some pretty funny and stupid things. Yami and Tea sounded like they were having fun, though by the sound of it, Seto guessed it wasn't from a video game. Mind out of the gutter. Marik and Bakura were arguing over whether or not Bakura cheated in Mortal Kombat: Deception at which point they decided to make the game real by pulling knifes on one another. Malik and Ryou came along to pull their yamis apart but were not having much luck seeing as both were very strong. It all stopped, however, when Tristan walked by and put Punk'd on the TV they were using, resulting in him getting tackled by all four of them. In the kitchen, a drunken Duke Devlin was hitting on one completely sober Mai Valentine, which resulted in Duke getting slapped in the face and beer poured on his vest. And that was before Mai did anything.

Seto made his way upstairs only to hear cries of help coming from a bedroom. "What the hell," Seto muttered as he opened the door. What he saw was one of the last things he wanted to see, Joey Wheeler stripped down to his underwear and tied to the bedposts. Suppressing the urge to laugh( or possibly cringe-I don't know. I'm not Kaiba) Seto asked, "What happened to you mutt? Did your master decide you were a bad little dog and put you on a leash?"

"Ha Ha Ha .Very funny Kaiba," Joey said, blushing slightly. "Could you untie me?"

"Sorry Mutt. Not until you tell me how you got put in the doghouse." Seto said smirking.

"If I hear another stupid ass dog pun coming from you, I'll show you what it really means to be in the doghouse!" Joey yelled "Besides, It's none of your business what happened. What is your business is that you untie me.."

"None of my Business eh? Oh well, I guess I'll leave you like this." Seto said walking away.

"No Kaiba wait! Ok, if you must know this all happened when I caught Tristan with the missing snacks I chased him all over the house and into this bedroom. What I didn't know that this was a trap and Mako was in on it. He was apparently still mad about the whole hit on my sis and I kill you thing so he and Tristan tied me to the bed and took off all my clothes. (Stop Laughing you perverts!giggle, snort) An that's how you found me here." Joey said sighing.

"Nice story mutt. Thanks I needed a few laughs. Bye now," Seto said.

"No wait Kaiba please!" Joey pleaded(Joey fangirls: awwwwwww)

"Ok, ok, calm down." Seto said walking towards the top bed post. Unfortunately, Tristan had dropped a piece of sandwich on the floor which the prestigious Mr. Seto Kaiba slipped on landing on top of Joey. Seto was dazed for a minute and stayed laying there on top of a near naked Joey.

"Eh, Kaiba would you mind getting off of me? Kaiba? Kaiba?" Joey asked breaking Seto out of his dazed trance.

"Huh, What?" Seto muttered.

" I said would you mind getting off of me?" Joey repeated. Just then they saw a flash and heard the sound of shuffling footsteps.

"What was that?" Seto asked.

"I don't know UNTIE ME!" Joey yelled. After about 15 minutes of untying Joey(Mako's a sailor. He makes good knots.), Kaiba went downstairs finding Mokuba still watching Star Wars and holding something in his hand chuckling.

"Mokuba what are you chuckling about? And I thought I told you to turn off Star Wars. Change the channel," Seto said.

"Oh, I don't think so big brother." Mokuba laughed.

"Why not?" Kaiba asked .

"Because," Mokuba explained holding up his digital camera, "You make one wrong move and this picture showing you laying on top of a barely clothed Joey hits the internet."

"You little monster! You wouldn't!" Seto said

"You know me big brother. You know I would." Mokuba said.

'Hmmm. Exploiting an opponents weakness to get what he wants. He's growing up to be just like me. Smart little monster.' Seto mused. "Ok Mokuba Ok. You win. You can watch Star Wars. Just remember there'll be hell to pay when you least expect it." Seto said 'Bye Bye college fund for Mokuba' he thought at the same time.

"Ok big brother, I'll delete the picture." Mokuba said, about to push the delete button.

"No! Give me the camera." Seto said . Mokuba gave Seto the camera. 'This'll be saved for my personal collection.' Seto though smirking.

Horus: another chapter done. Oh well. I'm sorry the chappie isn't as random as the other before it but don't worry it will. I got my inspiration for this fic after reading Free For All by Pharaoh Atem's Dark Angel so if you read her fic you'll see some similarities. As for with this chapter, I had and idea involving Seto and Joey and I used it. Hope you like. Oh and I hinted at something in this chapter but I'm not gonna go any deeper into it. This is a party and its gonna get random.

Yami Horus: I'm proud of you. You got through the whole chapter without cutting yourself.

Horus: Yes, you're right. Hmmm. Better fix that. Grabs knife and turns his back to viewers

Yami Horus:sigh Here we go again. Anyway R&R and Horus will beat me.

Horus: Don't you mean **_or_** I will beat you.cutting sounds heard

Yami Horus: Knowing you, what is more accurate

Horus: Whatever more cutting noises anyway if you have any ideas for the fic tell me. If I like em, I'll use em. . Oh and Yami. Who let you out of the closet?

Yami Horus:shrugs shoulders I don't know. You write this. It's your universe.

Horus: Oh yeah. I forgot. pizza appears out of nowhere R&R bye!


	3. Crazy plus Crazy equals destruction

Horus: Hello again. I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner but I'm alternating between this and my other fic, Some Wounds Are Deeper than Others. For anyone who hasn't read it it's an Angst/Romance fic using everyone's favorite pair: Ryou/Bakura. That's right.

Yami Horus: I thought Yami/Yugi was everyone's favorite pair.

Horus: Quiet You! Grabs mallet and smashes Yami Horus over the head

Yami Horus: OW! What was that for?

Horus: It still speaks! Kill it! Kill it! Continues smashing Yami Horus with mallet

Yami Horus: OW! Stop it Damn it! Don't make me send you to the Shadow realm with the Millennium Butter knife.

Horus: He he. I hid it from you so you can't do shit.

Yami Horus: Inaudible muttering Goes and sulks in corner

Horus: That's what I thought. Anyway, ON WITH THE FIC!

Crazy plus Crazy Equals Destruction

So Anyway, Yugi's still getting psychiatric help and Seto is planning revenge on Mokuba. So I think we should check in on Marik and Bakura (Yami Horus: Lets not and say we did / Horus: Quiet you! More mallet smashing)

Marik, Bakura, and their respective hikaris have been beating up Tristan and now he's out cold.

"Well that's that" Bakura remarked.

"Yes, it is," Marik said, "and you didn't even cheat this time, tomb robber."

"Grrr. Marik I.DID.NOT.CHEAT!" Bakura hissed.

"Oh yeah? Then How come I saw you looking up cheat codes on that magic interweb thing." Marik asked.

"Uh, actually Marik It's the inter**_net_**." Malik corrected.

"Whatever, I saw Bakura going to something called Marik said nonchalantly.

"Is this true Bakura?" Ryou asked

"Of course not Ryou. Are you going to believe this Psychopathic tomb keeper over me?" Bakura asked innocently,

"Well…at least Marik doesn't lie unbelievably." Ryou said.

"Oh, come on Ryou!" Bakura said in disbelief. Just then there was a noise outside.

"Knives for sale! Knives for sale!"

"Cool the knifeman is here. He's early too." Bakura said. Both he and Marik ran out of the house leaving holes in the shape of them in the door. About 30 seconds later, they both came in carrying boxes of knives.

"Wow that's a lot of knives," Malik said, "How'd you guys get them all so fast?"

"Well," Bakura started. "There was one twerp in line but he was no problem. We threw him in the dumpster." Just then one short, gothic guy came in the house furious.

"Where the hell are the two assholes that threw me in the dumpster?" he asked.

"Here we are you little twerp." Bakura snickered. Ryou just stared at the guy.

"Umm, Bakura? Do you know who that guy is?" Ryou asked nervously.

"No, not really hikari. He does look a little familiar but I can't place him. Why does it matter?" Bakura asked, looking at Ryou.

"Because," Ryou started "that guy…..is the author."

"Wait a second? How the hell is he in the story? He's the one writing this thing. How can he be in the story?" Marik asked. Horus laughed evilly

"It's my boundless author powers! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Just then Yami Horus hit Horus over the head with the '_Frying-pan-of-doom_' and dragged the unconscious author out of the scene.

"Ok that was…weird." Tristan said waking up.

"Who told you to wake up?" Bakura yelled. Once again, all four jumped Tristan and laid him out unconscious. Then there was another knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Joey said coming into the room. When he opened the door, he saw Anubis on the other end

"Um, yes. Can the pharaoh come out and meet his doom?" Anubis asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Sorry Anubis. Maybe after the party." Joey said.

"NOOOO!" Anubis yelled, turning into his monster form. Just then Blue Eyes Shining Dragon came out of the sky and bitch slapped Anubis. Anubis Flew into the sky and chased BESD until they both disappeared.

"That was weird too." said a tired and beat up Tristan.

"He must like pain." Malik said. The four repeated knocking the said brunette out. Then there was another knock on the door.

"sigh Now what?" Joey moaned (No not that way you stupid perverts). He opened the door to find two police officers and a crying woman.

"That's him! That's the man officers!" the woman shrieked.

"Joey Wheeler, you are under arrest for the murder of Jerry Springer." the officer said.

" What? I didn't kill him. Red Eyes did." Joey said being handcuffed.

"What is this Red Eyes you speak of?" the officer asked

"It's my favorite dragon!" Joey said matter-of-factly.

"Uh oh. We better get animal control in here." The officer said, getting on the police radio.

Zxzxzxzxzxzxzxz

_5 minutes later…_

Red Eyes Black Dragon was in a cage being taken away by animal control. Joey was crying on the officer, begging him not to take the monster away. Blue Eyes White Dragon was in the background pointing at Red Eyes and laughing his ass off. Then he proceeded to do several cheers and acrobatic acts. All was stopped though when the BEWD was glomped by Seto Kaiba, CEO of Kaiba Corp., Master of the Blue Eyes, The former uncontested champion, etc, etc. Red Eyes is then dragged away.

"No not my Red Eyes!" Joey cried.

"Calm down Wheeler." Seto said. I have something to show you. They went up to a bedroom. Mokuba, being a little too nosy for his own good, listened to the conversation.

"All right Kaiba, what did you want to show me?" Joey sobbed.

"Calm down Wheeler. I know you're sad so I decided to do this for you." Kaiba said.

"What is it Kaiba?" Joey asked.

"Here," Kaiba muttered.

"Wow, Kaiba, this is big!" Joey said.

"Of course it's big mutt. It's for you, after all." Seto said.

"Are you…sure I can have it?" Joey asked, confused.

"Look, just suck it already," Kaiba said. Mokuba's eyes shot open.

"I don't know Kaiba. It looks a little too big to suck. Why don't I just lick it?" Joey reasoned.

"Whatever mutt, I don't care. It's all for you." Kaiba said losing his patience.

"Ok if you say so….mmmm…." Joey said as he moaned from pleasure.

"Tastes good, now doesn't it Wheeler?" Kaiba said slyly. At this point, Mokuba had enough.

"Big brother what the hell are you and Joey doing?" Mokuba said coming through the door. Kaiba was on the bed sitting there looking at Joey. Joey had a huge, rainbow colored, lollipop, which he was licking moaning at the sweet taste.

"What is it you wanted Mokuba?" Kaiba asked.

"N-nothing…" Mokuba said innocently walking out. Downstairs, there was another knock on the door outside.

"Now what?" Marik asked. When he opened the door, he saw Pegasus bounce in riding Funny Bunny.

"Hello, Marik-boy. How are you doing?" Pegasus asked in his flamboyant manner.

"Oh, it's you, the gay ass maker of duel monsters." Marik sniffed. Then Yugi came in from his Psychiatrist appointment.

"No, it's you, TINKY-WINKY!" Yugi yelled, running behind Ryou.

"Now come on Yugi, you know I wouldn't do anything inappropriate to you……that you didn't want me to." Pegasus said winking.

"Shhh. What happens in the Shadow Realm stays in the Shadow Realm." Everyone in the party looked at Yugi and anime fell.

ZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZZXZXZXZZXZXZXZXZXZXXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZ

Horus: Well that's chapter three up and posted. grabs ice Ow! That frying pan hurt.

Yami Horus: First of all: You needed it. You were out of control. Second of all: It wasn't just any normal frying pan. It was the 'Frying-pan-of-doom.'

Horus: Hmm yeah…grabs 'frying-pan-of-doom' Lets see how you like it! Knocks out Yami Horus Well yeah. If you read this fic, YOU MUST REVIEW! THAT IS AN ORDER FROM THE OWNER OF THE MILLENIUM BUTTER KNIFE! WHETHER YOU LIKE OR NOT ME NO CARE I DO NOT JUST WRITE THIS FIC FOR MYSELF. I REPEAT: IF YOU READ YOU MUST REVIEW DAMN IT!


End file.
